“If He Isn’t Curious, He Isn’t Yours” — Tems Sets the Internet Buzzing With Her Clear-Cut Dating Red Flags

Nigerian Grammy-winning sensation Tems has once again sparked a wave of conversations across social media, but this time, it’s not about her music, her fashion, or her global stage presence. It’s about relationships. With just a few simple words, the singer has managed to strike a chord with millions of people—especially women—who have found her perspective both refreshing and uncomfortably relatable. Tems, known for her calm wisdom and soft-spoken confidence, shared what she considers a major dating red flag, and the internet hasn’t stopped dissecting it since. “Someone that’s not trying to be your friend is a red flag. Anybody that isn’t curious about you, and doesn’t want to know more about you,” she said, and that single declaration has now become the new standard quote in conversations about modern romance.

Tems’ statement comes at a time when dating culture, especially in the digital age, feels increasingly transactional. Many people go on dates expecting instant spark, immediate chemistry, or quick emotional returns, forgetting that at the root of every meaningful partnership lies something extremely simple: friendship. For Tems, the absence of genuine curiosity is not just a warning sign—it’s a dealbreaker. And her stance has ignited an important conversation about how much intentionality, attention, and empathy truly matter in relationships.

The singer, who has built a career on emotional depth and authenticity, appears to hold the same standards in her personal life. In a world where “What do you bring to the table?” has become the anthem of superficial relationship discourse, Tems is reminding people of the basics. Her idea is that if someone does not care enough to learn who you are beyond the surface—your interests, your fears, your dreams, your habits—then the connection may already be hollow. Social media users have been quick to agree, sharing their own experiences with partners who made zero effort to know them beyond the bare minimum. Some described being in relationships where they felt like strangers, others recalled dating people who only cared about aesthetics, convenience, or physical attraction. Tems’ statement validated what many had been feeling but couldn’t articulate.

Her fans say this is exactly why she resonates as an artist. Tems has always been introspective. Whether she’s singing about vulnerability or speaking on boundaries, she carries an air of intentionality. She isn’t the type of celebrity to sugarcoat her beliefs or hide behind vague statements—she says what she means, and she means what she says. And this new comment fits perfectly into her established brand of honesty. It also highlights a universal truth that often gets overlooked: the real foundation of lasting relationships is curiosity. It is curiosity that makes people want to stay up talking for hours. It is curiosity that makes partners attentive, present, and invested. It is curiosity that makes someone genuinely interested in your story.

Many relationship experts have long echoed similar sentiments, but hearing it from Tems has added a sense of relatability and freshness. She isn’t presenting her remark as a rulebook, nor is she positioning herself as a relationship guru. She is simply stating a boundary—one born from self-worth. And perhaps that is why the statement has hit so deeply. It comes from a woman who has learned how to protect her peace in a world that constantly tries to invade it.

Since Tems rose to international fame, she has been consistently guarded about her personal life. She rarely shares details about her romantic interests, and when she does speak, she chooses her words carefully. This only adds more weight to the few glimpses she gives into how she thinks about love, loyalty, and connection. Her emphasis on friendship aligns with research that healthy partnerships require friendship far more than passion or performance. Romance experts have repeatedly revealed that couples who genuinely enjoy each other’s company often have stronger, more fulfilling relationships, regardless of external pressures. It is the simple act of being friends that gives a relationship resilience.

But Tems’ comment also speaks to another reality—many people are dating partners who have no real interest in them. In a world where situationships, ghosting, and low-effort dating have become normalized, genuine curiosity has become rare. Many people go on dates with individuals who ask no questions, share nothing meaningful, and invest no real energy into building a connection. For Tems, that type of dynamic is not worth exploring. And increasingly, people agree.

Her remark has also sparked a gender-centered debate online. Some men argued that curiosity is often misinterpreted as prying, while others admitted that many guys simply do not put in the effort unless they see long-term potential. Women responded with their own stories of dating men who showed enthusiasm at first but lost interest immediately after they got what they wanted. Tems’ words, therefore, became a mirror held up to modern dating—exposing how shallow, lazy, and one-sided many relationships have become.

At the same time, some fans have celebrated her statement as empowering. They argued that it encourages people, especially women, to raise their standards and stop entertaining individuals who are emotionally unavailable or uninterested in building something real. For them, Tems’ declaration is not just a dating red flag—it’s a mindset shift. It is a reminder that being with someone who does not value you is a slow, silent form of self-abandonment.

Interestingly, her comment has also inspired conversations about self-awareness. Some social media users admitted that they, too, have been guilty of not showing curiosity in their relationships. They confessed that they were so focused on being interesting that they forgot to be interested. Tems’ words have nudged many toward introspection, pushing them to ask: Do I genuinely get to know the people I date? Do I ask meaningful questions? Do I show up with attention and intention?

Ultimately, Tems’ take on dating red flags is more than celebrity commentary—it is a cultural moment. It has cut across gender, age, and background, reminding people that relationships thrive on empathy and effort, not just vibes and aesthetics. In a world filled with noise, distractions, and performative affection, real curiosity is a quiet act of love. And Tems is calling attention to it.

By simply saying, “Someone that’s not trying to be your friend is a red flag,” she has reshaped how many people think about romantic compatibility. She has emphasized that friendship isn’t optional—it is essential. And her insistence that genuine curiosity is the hallmark of real affection is a lesson many needed to hear. If someone doesn’t care enough to know who you are, then they don’t care enough to love you. As Tems’ words continue to circulate, one thing is clear: dating in 2025 may have just gotten a new standard.