“You’re Not Called to Build Your Man, Stop Being Bob the Builder” — Pastor Bolaji Idowu Sparks Debate with Message to Women

In a message that has sent ripples across social media, Pastor Bolaji Idowu, the lead pastor of Harvesters International Christian Centre, has found himself at the center of a heated online conversation after his recent sermon clip went viral. In the now-trending video, Pastor Bolaji passionately addressed women, telling them, “You are not called to build your man, but to support him. Stop being Bob the Builder.” The statement, which was made during one of his relationship teachings, has ignited a storm of reactions, with many either applauding his boldness or accusing him of misrepresenting partnership in relationships.

The short clip, which surfaced on X (formerly Twitter) and Instagram on Saturday, shows Pastor Bolaji speaking to a largely female audience about the role of women in romantic and marital relationships. He emphasized that women often take on the role of “builders,” trying to fix or elevate men who are not yet prepared for responsibility, and that doing so often leads to frustration and heartbreak. According to him, “God did not call you to be a builder of men. You are called to be a helpmeet — that means you come in to support what already exists, not to create a man from scratch.”

Within hours, the sermon sparked a frenzy online. Clips of his statement have been reposted by multiple blogs, influencers, and feminist commentators, each interpreting the message in their own way. Some praised the pastor for addressing what they consider an important truth — that many women waste their potential investing in men who show no real direction or purpose. “He’s absolutely right,” one commenter wrote under the post on Instagram. “Too many ladies are out here trying to turn potential into purpose, when the man himself hasn’t even found his calling.” Another echoed similar sentiments, saying, “Women need to hear this. Support does not mean struggle. Love is not a construction site.”

However, the message did not sit well with everyone. Critics argued that the pastor’s statement seemed to promote a transactional or one-sided idea of partnership. Some questioned whether he was discouraging women from helping men grow, especially those who may be in the early stages of building their careers or dreams. “What’s wrong with building together?” one X user posted. “Every successful man today had someone who believed in him before the world did. So why should women only show up when the man has already ‘made it’?” Another added, “This kind of message can create pride among men and limit empathy. Relationships are about growth — both people should be willing to build each other.”

The viral moment also reignited the broader cultural debate around gender roles within modern Christian relationships. Pastor Bolaji, known for his practical and sometimes controversial teachings on love and marriage, has previously made headlines for comments encouraging singles to be more intentional and spiritually aware in dating. In past sermons, he’s emphasized the importance of alignment, purpose, and emotional maturity before entering marriage — values that have made him one of the most followed relationship voices among Nigerian youth.

Those who defend the pastor’s statement argue that his words are often taken out of context. They point out that his teachings are not against mutual growth, but rather against the unhealthy dynamic where women sacrifice their emotional and financial stability trying to “fix” a man who is not ready for a relationship. “Pastor Bolaji wasn’t saying don’t support your man,” a fan explained on TikTok. “He was saying don’t take on a man as a project. You’re not his mother or his life coach. You’re his partner.”

The sermon comes at a time when conversations about love, money, and gender expectations have become increasingly prominent in Nigerian society. Many young people are questioning traditional relationship norms, especially as women continue to achieve more educationally and professionally. The phrase “Bob the Builder,” a playful reference to the popular children’s cartoon character known for fixing things, quickly became a trending phrase online, used by both men and women to describe partners who go above and beyond to “repair” failing relationships. Memes flooded social media within hours of the clip going viral, with captions like “I retired from construction,” and “God didn’t call me to be Bob the Builder.”

Beyond the humor, however, the message touched a deeper nerve about emotional labor in relationships. Some women shared personal stories under the trend, recounting how they invested years helping men with financial support, career advice, and emotional encouragement — only to be abandoned once those men achieved success. Others, however, insisted that partnership should always include sacrifice and mutual development. “Love means building together,” one user wrote. “The real problem isn’t building your man, it’s choosing the wrong foundation.”

In response to the controversy, neither Pastor Bolaji nor Harvesters Church has issued an official statement. However, his loyal followers have continued to defend his perspective, sharing longer clips of the sermon where he explains that women should focus on supporting men who already show signs of responsibility and vision. In that fuller context, the pastor was reportedly encouraging women to discern between a man who is genuinely growing and one who is simply coasting while expecting a woman to carry his burdens.

This isn’t the first time the pastor has sparked public debate. Over the years, Bolaji Idowu has gained a reputation for blending modern relationship realities with biblical principles, often speaking in a language that resonates deeply with younger audiences. His church’s massive online following, which extends far beyond Nigeria, sees him as a relatable voice for millennials and Gen Z Christians navigating faith, love, and ambition in today’s world.

Still, the divide over his statement highlights how complex modern relationships have become. For some, the idea that women should “stop being Bob the Builder” feels like a necessary reminder to prioritize self-worth and boundaries. For others, it feels like a dismissal of the sacrifices and teamwork that strong relationships require. As one user summed it up on X, “Support doesn’t mean you’re weak. But building someone who refuses to build himself is not love — it’s self-sabotage.”

Whether viewed as empowering or controversial, Pastor Bolaji Idowu’s message has undeniably sparked a national conversation. It challenges both men and women to reassess the dynamics of love and support in relationships, and to draw clearer lines between healthy partnership and emotional overinvestment. As the dust settles and the viral wave continues, one thing remains clear — in a world where everyone is trying to build something, not everyone is meant to be a builder of others. Sometimes, as Pastor Bolaji put it, love requires more faith than fixing.